Our "Recent" Additions

Okay, so they aren't so recent.  We've had them for a year.  They are beautiful, joyful, and sometimes a big mess.  But we love them as if they were our own and we can't imagine life with out them.

For those of you keeping count, we have 6 kids in the house, with a 7th one not living with us, but one I'd claim any day.  Our ages range from 16 years-8 months...so I have all kinds of emotions going on in my house.  It is great and very chaotic.  The boys have been wonderful big brothers.  I'm proud to watch them give their time, love, and patience to these 3 kiddos.  Watching all of the kids together is priceless.

Miss A

Miss A was our second foster child.  She was with us for a little less than a month and got to go back home to her parents.  I say got to, because it was a very good thing.  She arrived on Halloween night.  We had a couple of other families over for dinner.  I don't remember much about that night other than crying.  Lots of loud crying.  I wonder if those families will ever visit us again.

We realized the next day that this little beauty, with full and healthy lungs, didn't actually speak English.  She is from Nigeria and her family had just come to the US for a visit and to seek medical treatment for her oldest sister.  After a day or two she became a little more comfortable and started to understand a little of what we were saying.  It warmed my heart to hear her walk around the house singing songs in her native tongue, Yoruba. 

The boys LOVED having a little girl in the house.  They would have done just about anything for her.  While we were all sad to see her go, we were glad she was reunited with her family.  Her parents are kind, gentle, and loving people.  Her dad took a picture with Miss A and the three boys the day she left and I'm told she has it framed next to her bed.

 When I found this dress I immediately thought of this sweater that my Grandma knitted.  Anders loved the idea of matching Miss A.  

 All of the boys loved her so much they just couldn't help but give her hugs.  It took a few days for them to understand that she didn't necessarily like strange boys who spoke a different language hugging and kissing on her.

Beautiful, sweet, spunky Miss A.

Mr. D

We had D with us for  a little over a month.  He was our first foster child.  This was quite an experience.  Hans and I started this process saying that we would only take kids 3 and below, and right out of the gate they approached us about a 5 year old.  The case workers sure know how to sell it and against our original plan we took him in.

He really is a sweet kid.  He learned a lot about sharing while he was here and stuck to a schedule.  Two things I'm sure he had never done before.  He usually had a smile on his face and he loved getting hugs.  It was sad to see him go.  Hans and I realized quickly that our kids did not take disrupting the birth order well.  It was painful to watch our three change so drastically in a couple of weeks.  As hard as it was to request that D be placed in another home, we were happy to know that he was placed in a good home.  I still keep in contact with his new foster family.

But our time with D wasn't all tears.  We had a lot of fun while he was here too.

 My mom bought all of the boys Ninja Turtles costumes for Halloween and the boys had so much fun playing with them.

The day before he left we sat down for a family picture.  

The boys still talk about him.  They miss him, as we all do.  It took some time, but eventually I saw my boys transform back to their original personalities.  I think everyone is better with things now.

Our Journey to Fostering

Wow!  It has been 6 weeks since my last post.  That might have been the longest stretch of time I've gone between posts.  To say things have been crazy around here would be an understatement.


Around this time 5 years ago I met a little boy while working at a childcare center in Denver who was in foster care.  I shared a little of his story and my thoughts here.  Ever since then Hans and I have discussed becoming foster parents.  But about a month after this I found out I was pregnant again.  And then we moved to Illinois just 2 months after I gave birth to Anders.  Then we just spent the next couple of years getting settled.  Settled in a new state, settled in the congregation, settled in a new house, and settled as a family of 5.  We have an unbelievably amazing support system here.  Add that to our wonderfully supportive family and Hans and I started thinking about fostering again.  Then, when our good friends from Denver told us they were going through the process to become foster parents we just had to follow through.

I have learned many things going through this process.  In some ways I feel as though I have lived a lifetime in just a year.  The process to become a foster parent can be exhausting and not for the faint of heart.  One year after calling the Department of Child and Family Services of Illinois (DCFS) and inquiring about the program we received our license in the mail.  This is not typical.  So I'm told.  If you look at the DCFS website, it tells you the licensing process can take anywhere from 3-8 months. When I asked as to why the big range in time the licensing worker told me that they (state workers) do everything they can to push this through, but that the prospective foster parents can make the process longer by not getting their stuff done such as the classes, health exams, and application forms.  Well that was not going to be me.  I am efficient.  Okay, to be honest my blogging hasn't been getting done in a timely manner, but in this part of my life I am super efficient.  Once the agency we were sent to finally called us back and told us what they needed I had the application, fingerprinting, driving records, and all physicals, including the dog, done within 1 week.  The only thing left we had to do was the 27 hours of training and our home study.  I opted to get the training done as quickly as possible, so instead of one class every week for 9 weeks, I signed us up for an accelerated class that met twice a week for 5 weeks.  DURING ADVENT!  That's right people, I was determined.

We sat down and talked to our boys before we even started the classes.  We wanted to make sure they understood what was going on.  Two out of the three were very excited about idea of having more kids in our house.  Can you guess which one wasn't thrilled?   I knew he would come around. Gus just isn't a big fan of change.

Hans and I finished our classes before Christmas.  Then the waiting began.  Every day John would ask us when we were going to get kids.  He was anxious, we were all anxious.  We waited and waited and waited some more.  After several messages and emails left for our licensing worker we found out in May that the agency had lost all of our paperwork.  We were going to have to start over.  Needless to say, Hans and I were devastated.  We opted to go with another agency.  After submitting our application again and doing another home study we FINALLY got our license in the mail on Sept 6th.  The funny thing is that we already had a kid placed in our home two days prior!

Since getting our license we've had two kids placed with us, a 5 year old boy and then a 3 year old girl.  Neither one of them are with us anymore.  One moved on to another home, and one actually got to go home!  I have learned an enormous amount about DCFS and the system in the last 4 months.  I've worked with doctors, teachers and various school officials, lawyers, case workers, investigators, guardian ad litems, judges, and parents.  At the end of the day I'm still not sure how I feel about this whole program.  I've questioned whether we are part of the problem or part of the solution by fostering kids.  The system is, without a doubt, dysfunctional.  I do not know everything and I don't have all the answers.  For now, Hans and I will continue to foster because at the end of the day scared children are being pulled from their homes.  From everything they know and love.  Whether the reasons for being removed are just or unjust, there is still a child who needs a safe, loving place to go, just as that child needs a person outspoken enough to stand up with, or in some cases against, the doctors, school officials, lawyers, case workers and judges.  My three boys have taught me how to deal with irrational people very well.

All three boys are now on board with the whole fostering thing.  And now, as we wait for another call, all three ask me every day when we will get another kid. 

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love...these are words I have been thinking about a lot lately.  My life has been richly blessed to be a small part of a sweet little boys life.  I have only known this boy for a short time, but however short the time has been, its been long enough for him to pull at my heart strings.  This boy is in a very sad situation.  I don't have, and don't want to have, all of the details, because what I know already makes me cry.  This little boy and his older sister are in foster care and have been since one of their parents was arrested last Christmas eve.  Since January they have been in four homes.  When I first heard about this boy and the fact that he'd been in 3 other homes, I was a little nervous he would be unmanageable.  Why does a small child get put into 4 foster homes in a year, unless he is unmanageable?  On the contrary, this little boy always has a smile on his face, is sweet, kind and listens just about as much as any other boy his age.  His sister, who had been in the dysfunctional home longer, has a few more issues and is rough around the edges.  I just heard that these two will now be placed in there 5th foster home this year.  Their current foster mother has agreed to keep them until Christmas, but after the 25th they will be placed in another home several hours from here.  To make the story even more heartbreaking, these children will also find out a few days before Christmas that their parent's parental rights have been terminated and they will no longer be allowed to see them.

What brings me to unconditional love is this; these kids need it and have never been shown the love parents should have for their children.  I write the "Tales of John" and I share the good, bad and funny moments of John.  There are days when I feel I've yelled at or spanked John all day.  On those days, I go to bed worried that all he will remember about his childhood is being in trouble.  But, I know he won't remember all of the "bad" times.  John, Gus and any other children we will be blessed to have will  know that, no matter what they do, we will always love them.  What this little boy and his sister have been shown virtually their whole life is that someone will love them and care for them as long as they aren't too much trouble.  I'm told that the older sister also suffers from detachment disorder.  She hasn't always been honest and she's even gotten suspended from school.  She also hasn't connected with any of her foster parents...but can you blame her?  Throughout her life she has been let down by pretty much every adult she's come into contact with.  Her parents were horrible parents, but she loved them, children are wonderful givers of unconditional love.  This is one thing we could all learn how to do properly from children.  She was part of a very dysfunctional family for 7 years or so and then taken from everything she ever knew.  Even though she was being put into a safer and better environment, she didn't welcome it with open arms.  I'm not sure if the first couple of foster families thought she would be grateful for rescuing her from all of the horrible stuff, but that is not how kids, or anyone for that matter, work.  Her little brother has just been dragged with her from place to place.  I'm pretty sure everyone would have kept him, if he didn't come with her.  He has adapted well where ever he's been.  He loves and misses his parents, but he has also grown to love everyone he's come in contact with.

I know there are situations like this everywhere.  I know that there are situations far worse.  But, this is the situation in front of me now.  These are the children whose faces  I see and whose story I know. I'm saddened every time I hear how this little boys sister has misbehaved and how the foster mother just can't handle her.  This little girl's parents have done horrible things and subsequently formed her into what she is now.  I understand that she may be a really hard kid to handle, but someone has to love her.  Someone has to be able to look her in the eye and tell her that no matter what she does they will always love her.  I get teary eyed as I think about the fact that it seems everyone has given up on her and will just continue to transfer her from home to home until she ages out of the system.  I pray for these two children and many others every night that they will some day enter the home of someone who will love them unconditionally.